Hyperactive teenager Kelly is enrolled into a military school when her new stepfather becomes the Commandant. At first she has problems fitting in and taking orders until she tries out for the drill team.
Left on the doorstep of an orphanage run by nuns, three newborn knuckleheads grow up to be finger-poking, nyuk-nyuking janitors named Larry, Curly and Moe. When they learn that financial problems will soon force the only home they've ever known to close, the trio sets out to raise $830,000 in one month. Out in the world for the very first time, the three innocent bumblers become embroiled in a murder plot and find stardom on a TV reality show.
A by-the-book Captain is ordered to capture a strategic village in Italy. The Italian soldiers are willing to surrender, if they can have a festival first. The lieutenant convinces the Captain this is the only way. Because of aerial reconnaissance, they must look like they are fighting. To sort this out an intelligence officer is sent in. Meanwhile the festival gets complicated with the Mayors daughter.
When fluffy, bubble gum movie star Megan Valentine suddenly finds herself broke and humiliated in the public eye, she wanders from the wreckage of a car accident and witlessly enlists in the U.S. Army hoping in vain that it will change her life.