You Won't Have Alsace-Lorraine

The sequel to The Visitors reunites us with those lovable ruffians from the French Medieval ages who - through magic - are transported into the present, with often drastic consequences. Godefroy de Montmirail travels to today to recover the missing family jewels and a sacred relic, guarantor of his wife-to-be's fertility. The confrontation between Godefroy's repellent servant Jack the Crack and his descendent, the effete Jacquart, present-day owner of the chateau, further complicates the matter.

D'Artagnan travels to Paris hoping to become a musketeer, one of the French king's elite bodyguards, only to discover that the corps has been disbanded by conniving Cardinal Richelieu, who secretly hopes to usurp the throne. Fortunately, Athos, Porthos and Aramis have refused to lay down their weapons and continue to protect their king. D'Artagnan joins with the rogues to expose Richelieu's plot against the crown.

After a wizard's spell goes awry, 12th-century Gallic knight Godefroy de Papincourt, Count of Montmirail finds himself transported to 1993, along with his dimwitted servant, Jacquouille la Fripouille. Startled and perplexed by modern technology, the duo run amok, destroying cars and causing chaos until they meet Beatrice de Montmirail, an aristocratic descendant of the nobleman, who may be able to help them get back to 1123.

Con artist Lawrence Jamieson is a longtime resident of a luxurious coastal resort, where he enjoys the lavish fruits of his deceptions -- that is, until a competitor, Freddy Benson, shows up. When the new guy's lowbrow tactics impinge on his own sophisticated work and believing him to be the infamous conman 'The Jackal', Lawrence resolves to get rid of him. Confident of his own duplicitous talents, he challenges Freddy to a winner-takes-all competition: whoever swindles their latest mark, American heiress Janet Colgate, out of $50,000 first can stay, while the other must leave town.

Amidst the French revolution, Citizen Robespierre is beheading the aristocracy! When word gets to England, noblemen Sir Rodney Ffing and Lord Darcy Pue take it upon themselves to aid their French counterparts. Sir Rodney is a master of disguise, and becomes 'The Black Fingernail' scourge of Camembert and Bidet, leaders of the French secret police.

It's 1649: Mazarin hires the impoverished D'Artagnan to find the other musketeers: Cromwell has overthrown the English king, so Mazarin fears revolt, particularly from the popular Beaufort. Porthos, bored with riches and wanting a title, signs on, but Aramis, an abbé, and Athos, a brawler raising an intellectual son, assist Beaufort in secret. When they fail to halt Beaufort's escape from prison, the musketeers are expendable, and Mazarin sends them to London to rescue Charles I. They are also pursued by Justine, the avenging daughter of Milady de Winter, their enemy 20 years ago. They must escape England, avoid Justine, serve the Queen, and secure Beauford's political reforms.